A Matter Of Demonic Possession…

A Matter Of Demonic Possession…

 

September 28, 2009

(10 years … 5 days after I first saw It)

 

Before I began to write about this, and tell whoever reads these words.  There are two terms that we must define and come to terms (get your hands around) with.

 

1. Succubus

 

From Wikipedia:

In medieval legend, a ’succubus‘ (plural succubi; from Latin succubare, “to lie under”) is a female demon which comes to men, especially monks, in their dreams to seduce them and have sexual intercourse with them, drawing energy from the men to sustain themselves, often until the point of exhaustion or death. This legend was an explanation for the phenomena of wet dreams and sleep paralysis. Lilith and the Lilin ( Jewish), Belili ( Sumerian) and Rusalka ( Slavic) were succubi.

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From www.hypnosisinmedia.com.

Incubus and Succubus: In medieval lore, a succubus was a female spirit that would lay with men to steal their seed: it was given as an explanation of night arrousal and wet dreams. It was also paired with the incubus, the male form, sometimes transforming between the two forms to pass along the stolen seed to unknowing women. In later stories, especially in contemporary horror writing, both would be given hypnotic powers that would give them the ability to command and compell members of the opposite sex.

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From occultopedia.com

A lewd female demon or goblin which takes on the illusory appearance of a female human being and seeks sexual intercourse with men, usually while they are asleep.

The princess of all the succubi (plural) is Nahemah. Its male counterpart is called Incubus. A semi-human offspring is called Cambion.

According to the view of most medieval theologians, incubi outnumbered succubi by nine to one, but the ladies made up in menace for what they lacked in numbers by being alluring and persuasive, using their considerable charms to seduce men and lead them to eternal damnation.

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From Legends of the Succubus

The succubus is a demon from legend that supposedly preys on mortal men while he sleeps; a sexual vampire of sorts. The actual name has its origins from late Latin- succuba meaning prostitute, which in turn comes from medieval Latin sub cubaire meaning ‘that which lies beneath’. The male version is the incubus (from Latin- ‘that which lies above’). There are some sources who claim that the succubus and the incubus are one and the same creature who can change form at will to prey on mortals.

In medieval times, the succubus was seen as a fearsome creature who killed her victims by drinking their breath. This is interesting in that, at the time, the breath was seen as a part of the person’s spirit, and in doing so, the succubus was thought to be stealing the victim’s soul. Later, the habits of the succubus were deemed to of a more sexual than vampiric nature, and this notion probably arose from the change in social climate that saw sexual deviancy as a mortal sin, and so, those who committed such a sin against God, were deserving of their fate in some way.

 

 

 

 

1. Demonic Possession.

 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Demonic possession is often the term used to describe the control over a human form by a demon. Descriptions of demonic possessions often include: erased memories or personalities, convulsions, “fits” and fainting as if one were dying.^[1] Unlike in channeling or other forms of possession, the subject has no control over the possessing entity and so it will persist until forced to leave the victim, usually through a form of exorcism. Other descriptions include access to hidden knowledge and foreign languages, drastic changes in vocal intonation and facial structure, sudden appearance of injury (scratches, bite marks) or lesions, and superhuman strength.

Many cultures and religions contain some concept of demonic possession, but the details vary considerably. The Roma people believe that demons can also possess animals, plants, deceased persons or inanimate objects.

The oldest references to demonic possession are from the Sumerians, who believed that all diseases of the body and mind were caused by “sickness demons” called gidim or gid-dim ^[2]. The priests who practiced exorcisms in these nations were called ashipu (sorcerer) as opposed to an asu (physician) who applied bandages and salves^[3]. Many cuneiform tablets contain prayers to certain gods asking for protection from demons, while others ask the gods to expel the demons that have invaded their bodies.

Most illustrations portray these spirits as small, sadistic-looking or tormented-looking beings with a human likeness. Demons are often referenced as familiars. Witches would provide shelter and nourishment via the witches’ teat in exchange for the valuable services of familiars.^[4]

Shamanic cultures also believe in demon possession and shamans perform exorcisms too; in these cultures often diseases are attributed to the presence of a vengeful spirit or (loosely termed) demon in the body of the patient. These spirits are more often the spectres of animals or people wronged by the bearer, the exorcism rites usually consisting of respectful offerings or sacrificial offerings.

The Malleus Maleficarum speaks about some exorcisms that can be done in different cases. Depending on the severity of the alleged possession, solutions range from prayers of deliverance to the Solemn Rite of Exorcism as practiced by the Catholic Church.

 

 

3       Demonic Attacks

Source Reference @ http://te-deum.blogspot.com/2009/08/phoenix-bishop-discusses-satanic.html

 

 

Aug 20, 2009

Phoenix Bishop discusses Satanic attacks experienced by St.John Vianney

In the Year for Priests, St. John Vianney’s life is examined more closely. Bishop Thomas Olmsted of Phoenix, talks about demonic attacks suffered by the saint.

From the Catholic Sun:

Year for Priests: St. John Vianney

 

The influence of the devil can never overcome the power of God’s grace. Jesus assures us of this when He tells Peter (Mt 16:18), “I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.” But the evil one, nonetheless, continues to tempt and test all of us during our life on earth.

 

 

Satanic attacks were commonplace in the life of Fr. John Vianney. For 35 years, the devil taunted and harassed him, not only in spiritual ways but even in tangible and audible ones. These latter, demonic acts normally are quite rare. But, by the influence of the devil, the Cure of Ars’ bed was moved about, crashing noises resounded, fires were ignited, and other harassments occurred, all in an effort to stop or at least to curtail the priestly ministry of Fr. Vianney. Why did God allow these to occur?

 

Infestations by the devil

Fallen angels, also known as devils and evil spirits, try to hinder all of us in our pursuit of holiness. Their ordinary ploy is by means of temptations, which God allows so that we can make good use of our freedom in resisting them and thus growing to fuller maturity in Christ.

In addition to these ordinary ploys, demons resort to other extraordinary acts, on rare occasions, with the same intention of thwarting the plan of God and undercutting our filial trust in Him. These harassments can be of three kinds: infestations, obsessions and possessions.

With infestations, the devil makes use of noises, outcries, rattling, apparitions and other extraordinary outbursts of some sensible nature aimed at terrifying people, intending to undercut their confidence in God. He used these repeatedly on the Cure of Ars, sometimes to keep him from getting badly needed sleep, at other times to disturb his peace of mind and to try to shake his trust in God. All these were aimed at disrupting the effective ministry of this holy priest.

 

 

Obsession and possession by the devil

The Cure of Ars himself never suffered from demonic obsession or possession, but he dealt with them in others whom he served in his sacred ministry. With obsession, the devil goes beyond infestations and actually plays on the external senses of the body or influences a person’s memory or imagination. In cases of possession, which are even more rare than those of obsession, the devil actually uses the whole human organism, with the exception of the mind and will.

The suffering that obsession and possession bring to a person is almost unimaginable. Moreover, to be freed of these satanic harassments, the Church’s sacred power from Christ is needed. This is why bishops appoint exorcists in their dioceses to offer pastoral care for persons afflicted by the devil in these horrifying ways. Through prayers of deliverance and the rites of exorcism, persons are freed from satanic power and their peace of heart and soul is restored.

Very easily, these harassments by the devil can be misunderstood and even exploited by sensationalist segments of the media or by enemies of the Church. For that reason, the Church avoids publicity about them and handles each case without fanfare.

 

But it is more than foolish for any of us to dismiss the reality of the devil and his works of darkness, for as St. Peter warns (1 Pet 5:8-9), “Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.”

Source Reference @ http://www.bible-knowledge.com/battle-command-against-demonic-spirits.html

….. Like it or not, we have all been born into a war zone as result of what happened in the story of Adam and Eve. And not only are we all stuck having to battle with people who have chosen with their own free wills to live this life on the dark side, but we are also stuck with having to do battle with demonic spirits from time to time.

….. Many Christians have been lured and pulled into some of the dark ways and areas of these demons, and as a result, many have either died before their time was really up in the Lord, or they have been forced to live with the extreme consequences of some of the bad choices they have made.

 

….. That is why the Bible tells us in the following verse:

“BE SOBER, BE VIGILANT; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. RESIST HIM, STEADFAST IN THE FAITH, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.” (1 Peter 5:8)

 

….. If you look closely at the wording in the above verse – you can really feel the solemn warning the Lord is trying to give to us. The verse starts out with 4 very powerful words in that we are to “be sober” and that we are to “be vigilant” in dealing with the reality of Satan and his demonic spirits.

It then goes one step further and says that we are to “resist him” by being “steadfast in the faith.” Resisting the devil means you stand, fight and directly engage with him and his demons if you have to.

 

….. When demons try to attack you from an outside position – they will basically try one of two things:

1. They will either try and hinder you in trying to progress from point A to point B in your walk with the Lord.
    
2. Or they will try and start playing mind-games with you in an effort to try and throw you into some kind of mental torment and sever your spiritual connection with the Lord.

When they move in for an attack in order to try and start playing mind-games with you – they will try and throw you into a depression, try to steal your joy and zest for living, and try to get you to start thinking very critically and judgmentally towards others so as to attack others to cause dissension and disunity among family, friends and co-workers. They will also try to attack your personal relationship with the Lord.

 

….. Their mission is simply to “seek and destroy.” The above verse literally says that Satan is looking for those who he can “devour.” The word devour is an all-encompassing word. It means total and complete destruction and annihilation on whoever they may be coming after. Demons have absolutely no mercy on their victims. Their goal is total death and destruction on the ones they are attacking if they can go that far with it.

 

….. You are a soldier of Jesus Christ! Realize this fact – and directly engage with the enemy if that enemy should ever attempt to attack either you, anyone in your family, or any of your close friends.

2Co 10:3  For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:

2Co 10:4  (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

2Co 10:5  Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

2Co 10:6  And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

 

Note, Those that drive Christ from them, draw all miseries upon them. Woe unto us, if God depart from us.

 

….A Soldiers’ Reward (click to read)

(It came to me in a dream … as do other things)

 

……….

 

Act 5:29  Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.

Act 5:30  The God of our fathers raised up Jesus, whom ye slew and hanged on a tree.

Act 5:31  Him hath God exalted with his right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.

Act 5:32  And we are his witnesses of these things; and so is also the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them that obey him.

Act 5:33  When they heard that, they were cut to the heart, and took counsel to slay them.

Act 5:34  Then stood there up one in the council, a Pharisee, named Gamaliel, a doctor of the law, had in reputation among all the people, and commanded to put the apostles forth a little space;

Act 5:35  And said unto them, Ye men of Israel, take heed to yourselves what ye intend to do as touching these men.

Act 5:36  For before these days rose up Theudas, boasting himself to be somebody; to whom a number of men, about four hundred, joined themselves: who was slain; and all, as many as obeyed him, were scattered, and brought to nought.

Act 5:37  After this man rose up Judas of Galilee in the days of the taxing, and drew away much people after him: he also perished; and all, even as many as obeyed him, were dispersed.

Act 5:38  And now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought:

Act 5:39  But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God.

 

……….

 

Heb 10:30  For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.

Heb 10:31  It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

October 11, 2009

 

There is a NetherWorld.

 

That place where the bad things live and play …. And sometimes they come on this side to visit.

 

And I don’t care what anyone else says.

 

Doors can be opened between where we live and where they live…..

 

I have a question.

Over the past 10-plus years I have posed this question to a number of people.

Some were ministers of churches, others in the clergy and your so-called bible scholars.

 

All have danced around the answer. Either out of fear or just in knowing the truth of the answer, they were unable to voice their thoughts on the matter.

 

Wanna hear it … here it goes

 

Q. If on the Day Of  Pentecost and the Apostles and others were gather together, in one accord and the Holy Spirit came upon them…

 

Act 2:1  And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.

Act 2:2  And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.

Act 2:3  And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them.

Act 2:4  And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

 

 

Now that is bible truth.

 

What if many were gathered togethered with one accord (of hate and anger in a spirit of conspiracy).

Is it possible that the spirit of the above things would manifest itself here on this side.

 

Now you might ask what spirit would this be.

 

The answer is obvious … the opposite of the Holy Spirit.

 

The Unholy Spirit…. 

 

The Entity Manifestation

4:25am on September 28, 2009

45619   Jenni Horstnan  2029 N 12^th St  Phoenix AZ

Hate Revealed … Poison Spews…

Sept. 04, 2009

 After trying to come to terms of my last brothers death and the seeing for the first time (in a long time), I had not talked to anyone back east since the beginning of summer.

 There were a few phone calls from sisters and my daughter, but now at this point I had begun to accept the level of hatred in their hearts. So, intentionally I did not call them, I needed a break from their kind of “love”.

 Anyway on the night of Sept 3^rd 2009, I had a dream about my older sister. So I knew something had happened.

 I had been telling them for years about my dreams and how I knew about the things that I did.

 They said I was crazy, but now I realize that they did not believe that anymore than when I told (and tried to show) them how much I loved them.

 On the following afternoon my younger sister called me with the news that our sister had suffered a stroke. I learned she was doing okay but was hospitalized.

 I told my little sister to give her a kiss and tell her I loved her, that I had to go and said goodbye.

 A short while later I got a call from my daughter.

 The usual conversation, Hi, how are you doing, where have you been and why no calls.

 I told her my phones were working fine and had she left any messages on vmail for me.

 I was driving my cab on the way to the hospital on Friday evening traffic and rapidly approaching a broke down city bus.

 I said to my daughter that I was on the way to pickup someone at the hospital and needed to maneuver und this bus and traffic and had to go.

 It would seem, at least to me, in that situation that was a normal conversation.

 But as the following series of text messages from her will reveal. There was more to it and this was just another “red herring”.

 I have to say at this point, that after almost a decade of going from place to place, observing people … myself included. That when a person is caught guilty they immediately become offended and try to shift the blame of their action on others.

 I am as guilty of this as anyone else.

 For instance, when a person is caught in a lie, their response may be, “Yes maybe, BUT YOU SAID…..”

 If a person is caught taking something that is not theirs (aka stealing), they may say, “Yeah, but EVERYONE DOES IT”

 Why is it that guilt only bothers people when they are caught?

 

The messages sent

 

9/4/2009 5:06:23 PM

Thatvwas really rude dad. N I dont remember u ever gettin off the phone without saying u love.. U know i.ve called u I dont have to leave a msg just like

 

9/4/2009 5:06:35 PM

ent wit pics of the kids… N also my attemts to talk to u on facebook. I reach out to u regularly… As regular as we r n e way… Bullshit that u just

 

9/4/2009 5:06:53 PM

u knew it was me tonite u knew it the other times I called to. U got my txt too u know the ones I sent that said jut checkin on you dad.. Or the one I s

 

9/4/2009 5:06:54 PM

treated ne the way u did….

 

After thes 4 messages I sent a reply, divided over her 4 sent messages back to her…

 

 

The messages sent with my reply follows…

 

9/4/2009 5:06:23 PM

Thatvwas really rude dad. N I dont remember u ever gettin off the phone without saying u love.. U know i.ve called u I dont have to leave a msg just like

 

My reply and send

So many years wasted…

 

9/4/2009 5:06:35 PM

ent wit pics of the kids… N also my attemts to talk to u on facebook. I reach out to u regularly… As regular as we r n e way… Bullshit that u just

 

My reply and send

Trying to love those people

 

9/4/2009 5:06:53 PM

u knew it was me tonite u knew it the other times I called to. U got my txt too u know the ones I sent that said jut checkin on you dad.. Or the one I s

 

My reply and send

That hate you….

 

9/4/2009 5:06:54 PM

treated ne the way u did….

 

My reply and send

With all their heart…

 

 

That was it as a response goes, just a clear and unbiased look at the truth I realized I had to face.

 

It had taken to losing of 2 brothers to realize I had no sisters, kids or anyone to go back to in that other life.

 

I had, in continuing to try and love overlooked (not as in not seen but as in not counted against) all that was done against me.

 

Like what she had done while her and her boyfriend were visiting me in Charlotte NC …..or what she was told to try and do the time her and her younger brother went to Virginia Beach with me on my vacation.  She was 17 at the time, he was 16.

 

Now the series of messages began….

 

9/4/2009 8:50:48 PM

With reason…. They hated you… And any man who really wants the love of his children…. The love that comes unconditionally from children… The love

 

9/4/2009 8:50:56 PM

that has to be pissed away bye an adult who only cares about himself… If he really wanted it, he.d work a his ass off and never ever consider that wor

 

9/4/2009 8:51:12 PM

k a waste of time… I see your still the same selfish child that left us all those yrs ago… Gro up…

 

I then sent her a message stating

“Finally we are on the same page”

 

The messages continue….

 

9/4/2009 9:26:15 PM

Actually daddy, we r not. U wish we were… I think part of ur problem is u want so badly for us to be on the same page, but U keep effin that up… I wi

 

9/4/2009 9:26:38 PM

ll never have to work for the love of my children… Never will they feel abandoned by me never will they will they be without me or their FATHER… beca

 

9/4/2009 9:26:39 PM

use we r adults who work everyday to make sure THEY r loved.. U were never capable of that… N i.m sure it really sucks to be u…

 

9/4/2009 9:33:03 PM

At some point daddy…. U have to realize that not everything is about u… That their are people who care about u… That that unconditional love never

 

9/4/2009 9:33:16 PM

really went anywhere.. It just needs to be nurtured…. Again somethin you cannot seem to grasp… I reach out to u because I see all that u are missin a

 

9/4/2009 9:33:30 PM

nd I feel bad for u… But if you are goin to continue to slam the door in my face I can walk away just like u….. I.m thirty years old. I havent cried

 

9/4/2009 9:33:40 PM

for my daddy in years… I.m over it… This is your loss the soober you realize that the better off u will be….

 

 

Somewhere along the way she relizes that I am not about to diginify her so called concerns with a response and I will not enter into the argument she is trying to incite.

 

I would not … could not with her, she is my child.

 

I simply see this as another “red herring”. Like so many others she has been a party to over the years…

 

And I just do not respond.

 

What I will do with these messages is post them with my other writings over the years, put them on my blog and when I feel a moment of loneliness and loss I will go back and reread them….as a reminder to me of the hate and poison planted in her by others.

 

Also I will take them to the grave with me and when I get to heaven and see Jesus, I will place them at His feet.

 

I won’t ask Him why, though he knows all about the why’s of each of our lives.

 

I will place them at His feet knowing that whatever I did to deserve that from her …. He has forgiven.

Death Revisted…

Death Revisited…

June 13, 2009

Back in January 2009, with the word of my little brothers’ death, something happened.

Something happened to me … and inside of me.

I know because when it happened … I felt it.

I told this fellow I knew, a former friend, about it when it happened.

I told him, “You know something is not the same, I feel different now.”.

As much as I tried to in that moment, I was just not able to put my arms around just what that thing was.

Now, 5 months later,  I have it fully engulfed in my grasp … my realm of experience.

I had always, for the past 7 years – since June 2002,  looked to the day when I would go back east, seeing my family, old friends — to finish up ‘on the road’.

I had, I suppose, believed time to be the great healer — of wounds, of lies and deceit.

So, with the passing of the years, and the same continued behavior I began to sense that day would be far off in the future.

I lost both my brothers while on the road.  Most recently with my younger brother I began to feel and see a disconnect in my relationship with other members of my family, sisters, daughter, sons.

I suppose with my older brother, our connection was that we had grown up together, from children to men.

Played together, ran together, partied together and — cried together.

The connect with my little brother, although not raised together with my older brother and myself, due to the difference in our ages.

As young men with jobs, we took it upon ourselves (a brotherly, wordless agreement) that our baby brother would be taken care of. You know the basic neccesities, and the birthdays, and the money for things he wanted along the road of life.

Now, with the death of my little brother, there was a disconnect.

And that was what I felt back in January 2009, when he died.

I suppose I felt no great disconnect when my older brother died in December 2003, because my little brother was still alive.

So, now after 5 months of reaching but just not feeling  what that difference was.

So, now after of years of the same behavior of other family members.

I finally got my arms around the truth of this matter.

I no longer have any connection to those people back east, in that other lifetime.

That great void between has been completed and that longed looked for and happy day of reunion will never come.

It hurts deeply, so deep, but it feels good and peaceful to have come full circle in, at least, this matter of family connection.

There is none anymore.

I guess I had not earned the right to continue holding the title of father and brother.

I did the best that I knew how.

 Much love….

Things Change …..

Things … Change –

 May 11, 2009

 I would guess that time changes things — all things.

 With the passage of months, the seasons change – along with the weather.

 Cities can change dramatically over time. Have you ever went back to your hometown after being away for an extended period.

Looking for a park you used to play in, a high school you attended – the ol’ hangout.

They may not be there any longer, if they are, are  probably greatly changed.

The passage of  time also changes people.

Not just the apparent physical changes … graying hair, extended waistline.

It even changes the personality, the essence of the person.

Their ideals, beliefs … even their standards.

Say after a period of 10 years, a decade, people I have learned change dramatically.

Continued …..

The Command Has Been Breached…

Feb 9, 2009

The Command Has Been Breeched…

 

It reminded me of that day back in 1994 or 95, back when I was working for that cigarette company back in NC.

 

I went to work on the 2^nd shift one day and was summoned to the office of the supervisor that sent operators to man specific equipment other than their own machines.  My machine was H5 packer.

 

You see they had this habit of trying to irritate me by sending me to run some machine o J row on Fridays, as I always had to work over and clean up the machine after the shift.

 

So I takes my tool box and goes to this office.  Now inside this office was about the last 5 supervisors that I had work for in this plant over the years … and there was a shit eating grin on their faces.  What I noticed right away was that the Union Shop Steward was there also.

 

February 2, 2009

 

With my return to Phoenix AZ and to CANV via day labor it would seem that all was normal.  Except I knew what had happened in New Mexico (See Here). So I knew what was going to take place here.

 

I had come to place around men. Men that I knew would do what men should do.

It did not matter what the situation was I had only met one group of such men.

 

I also knew that when they did what they should do, the dust would begin to settle.

 

But, even with this group of men, my belief that in every situation, with every person, that there is a well defined walk away point. (See Here)

 

If a man walks with his eyes open, accepting the truths of a situation, he will see that point.

 

I saw it, did not allow me to fool myself with false wishes, and I walked away.

 

I walked away with my head up because in this situation, as with others, I had lied to no one, had not used others to lie to anyone, I had taken nothing from anyone.

 

I walked away because I owed these men nothing.

 

I did nothing but go to work and watch Big Jim and his men do everything from trying to help set me up to lose my place to live, being the guest of honor at one of “their” dinner and a movie event to working with Little John everyday as he tried to get me to say and do things that I could lose my job for.

 

Even to having this fellow named Wally attempt to work me and shame me into walking off the job.

 

I suppose they didn’t know about my boot camp training to out work and out think people like Wally.

 

I did nothing because this was not my battle, it was Gods’. I was just to walk, endure and trust in His victory.

 

I was to walk away from this place and them with my head up knowing I had acted in no way or done anything against any man that I need be ashamed of.

 

And therein lies the victory.

Last Man Standing…..

Last Man Standing…..

January 11, 2009

 

For the past 6 ½ or 7 years, I have been tromping around these desert places. The American southwest.

 

Twice, I have brokedown and cried the deepest, heart felt loss in half built buildings.

 

Twice, I have lost a brother…

 

I have no more.

 

I had two brothers, one older – Clarence Kenneth McKenzie, one younger – Ralph Eric McKenzie.

 

Do not misunderstand, there were regular men, mere mortals. Prone to all the normal afflictions of this life.

 

But, of the three of us, I – Gary Wayne McKenzie, had always, without exception lived a live of excess and selfishness.

 

……….

 

I always thought, wanted to believe, they would be around long after I was gone. Enjoying grandkids and children, those they had built their lives around.

 

I believe, inside somewhere, that I did not want to experience this great loss.

 

It would seem that God had other plans for the three of us.

 

Who would have ever believed that I would be the last man standing…

 

January 24, 2009…

 

I have pushed on.

 

Day by day, step by step I have continued on my journey.

 

Filling each day with the necessary things that must be done … in order to survive my valley.

 

I hurt so deep, inside. Perhaps it is fear.

 

Up until December 2003, I always had my big brother. Whenever I needed another man to talk to … he was always there.  Just like when we were kids.

 

Even with my little brother, I always held out hope that the thing dividing us would, could be bridged. That, along with him is gone.

 

So there is only forward.

 

There is nothing behind me to hold, cling to.

 

Forgetting those things which are behind, I press forward.

 

Maybe, God being merciful, I will get a visit from Eric, like I did from Kenny that night in 2004 in the pallet yard.  To encourage me on. It was the best night I can remember.

 

A man must always have hope.

 

My hope now lies on that other shore…

 

I love you both….

A Role To Play…

A Role To Play…

September 11, 2008

In every situation, everyone involved has a role to play.

Although, in a play, unlike life all the roles are scripted and the actors\players do everything on a cue from a director. If you think about it, even the director is playing a role.

 

The director would be in the role of manager or overseerer, making sure that everything goes as planned. That the production is a rousing success.

 

The most blatant visibility of the players for this scene of the play made their appearance on July 22, 2008. I was finishing up some work on a day laborer job at Manzano High School on the corner of Juan Tabo and Lomas in Albuquerque NM.

 

In actuality they first made a form of contact on July 16, 2008 by having a woman for a local company call me with an offer of a job, within hours of filling out an application (it just doesn’t happen like that), at a local steel yard.

 

But that is another story in itself.

 

It started with a day worker named Jesus. He was put in to the role of a “frenimy”.

 

And others before him.

 

Harold “Eddie” Stillwell — see here

http://cplmckenzie.wordpress.com/2008/04/05/man-down-%e2%80%a6-a-soldier-lost/

 

Jimmie or Thomas or Shaggy

 

Callie Vallejos

 

Here is what they look like.

               

 Another would be Lilia, the dispatcher at the day labor hall.

 

She was to keep me in minor work. Was to call me at specific times with offers of steady work (like minutes after I got the call from the woman at the steel yard).

 

Oh yeah, and the Saturday morning call with some work after my truck had been appropriated (stolen) the night before. Good thing my phone was off.

 

The people that operate The Good Shepherd shelter. They were to not allow me to stay there one night when I had no where else to go.

 

Olga, the rent lady that “set me up” in a nice little apartment … complete with everything.

 

Angelik, who was to be my companion the night my truck was appropriated (stolen).

 

Blaus Hernandez, the man I work with on a daily basis at 3000 PSI who was to get fa feel of where I was due to the role playing being done.

 

Of course the paparrazi, who reported what they wanted in the worst form of “yellow journalism” a person could imagine.

 

And last but not least, me.

 

And what was my role.

 

Simply to make sure that all roles were played to completion.

 

Why is that my role … see here

http://cplmckenzie.wordpress.com/2008/01/18/soldiers-reward/

 

 

How do I know this is true.

 

Because the play has played out so many over the past 25-30 years.

The script never changes … only the faces of the actors\players

Tracks And Footprints

Tracks And Footprints…

 

September 5, 2008

 

I live in Albuquerque NM.

 

It is one of the most scenically beautiful places I have seen in the continental US.

 

It is surrounded by some of the most rugged (real) mountains I have ever viewed up close.

 

                       

 

 

 

 

These mountains have lovely homes in the foothills, hiking trails and picnic areas for people.

 

But, during certain times these areas have been declared dangerous for people to be in because of  the presence of bears, mountain lions and other wildlife in the area.

 

The forest service have to send in people to remove these animals out of the area before they allow people to visit and frequent these places again.

 

 

Imagine, if you can, having a home along these rugged mountains.

 

Waking up to the sounds of the night and the mornings of visits during the night from the local animal habitat.

 

Trash cans overturned and rummaged through. The tracks of bears or other animals making their way around your yard and home.

 

I would guess that after awhile you would get used to picking up the trash and may even get quite handy at being able to identify what type of animal had visited the night before by the tracks that were left behind.

 

But, suppose one morning you awakened to a yard without the trash overturned and surrounding your house and all throughout the yard were tracks that you had never seen before.

 

Well, it would be quite obvious that something had been there the night before, but if it did not go through the garbage like all the other nightly visitors in the past, your first thought might be … “If it wasn’t looking for food, then why was it here” and your second thought may justifiably be … “And just what was it anyway?”.

 

I can only, will only, speak for myself.

 

If this were my situation I would have numerous questions going through my head.

 

Why was it here? Is it dangerous?

Aren’t all hungry animals dangerous?

If it was hungry then why didn’t it go through the trash like all the other animals before? Is it a different kind of an animal that likes fresh food instead?

Would that fresh food be vegetable or meat?

 

Oh please don’t let this unknown be a maneater.

 

• 1Pe 5:6  Therefore be humbled under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time,
• 1Pe 5:7  casting all your anxiety onto Him, for He cares for you.
• 1Pe 5:8  Be sensible and vigilant, because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking someone he may devour;

 

 

I would say that the above scenario could be compared to one’s life.

 

With all the people that come and go through the yards of our lives.

What comes with them. What they leave behind when the leave.

 

It would be nice, useful even if a process, a method could be applied before we get to deeply involved, caught up in the situation and not see the forest for the trees.

 

Maybe along the lines of  say, fishing,

 

You get to the fishing hole and look at the water. Is the water calm and still or is it rushing water. That could give an indication of the kind of fish that inhabits the waters.

Trout, bass maybe.

 

Is the water clear or muddy. May be some catfish in this pond.

 

From that point, you would get an idea of what to bait your hook with for a successful fishing adventure.

 

A man would be wise to learn to identify and recognize what he is seeing when he is looking at it …. else he could be looking straight in the face of a devil and never even know it.

 

Seeing The Good

Seeing The Good …
August 30, 2008

You tune your tv to the news channel … murders, rapes, robberies — wars, natural disasters, famine, worldwide chaos.

That is what you hear about. You read the daily paper and you get a local version of the same.

It would seem that the world is full of bad. Life appears to be a reflection of the same.

If life were a blank sheet of typing paper, all the white you see is the bad stuff.

All except of course, that very tip of the right hand corner of the sheet .. therein lies the good.

But with your eyes taking in all that bad, it is very hard if not impossible to see that little tiny bit of good.

It would, I suppose, be fair to say, “That the bad overwhelms the good.”.

I have been to a lot of places … some, most, of them filled with mean, ugly things and stuff.

I am grateful that up to this point in time that my ability to “see the good” has not been taken from me.

I have in all places been blessed to see the goodness of God at work in the lives of men.

I have seen God reach His hand into darkest of hearts to save and to rescue.

I have to write this, as a follow-up to “Without Conscience” and “The Walkaway Place” for two reasons.

The first reason is that in remembering these things, it increases my hope that God has not turned away from us as men, that He has not closed His eyes to our brokenness.

That continues to build my faith in the promises of God.

But, secondly, and just as important I learned a long time ago that if a man decides to speak on something, first he must decide whether he is going to tell all about that thing.

If he is not willing to tell all, he should tell nothing. Otherwise he is telling a half-truth, what the paparrazi does, and a half-truth is nothing but a lie.

So I have to write this, else I would have lied about what I wrote before.

It was a spiritual battle.

• Eph 6:11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
• Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

• 2Co 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
• 2Co 10:4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
• 2Co 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

I am thankful that God chose to take part in this battle, for on my own I was without hope.

He knows the beginning and the end of all things, so as Satan was lining up his minions, God had already placed decent minded people around me.

From the old man that came to my door with 3 grocery bags of food, when I had no money trying to replace what the devil had stole.

To my bosses, Brian Garrett and Justin Copp, the owners of 3000 PSI where I worked.

These men saw a wrong had been done.

Although they could do nothing to undo the wrong, they knew the right thing to do and were able to stand.

So step by step, circumstance by circumstance they walked through my situation with me.

From actually advancing me on my pay, to pulling my now recovered truck to their garage for repairs, to renting (for me on their Company credit card at a cost of $450 per week) a Ford F150 truck for me to use as this battle worked it’s course.

And finally, once my truck had been replaced with another (nicer) vehicle, they took me to a gas station and filled the tank for me.

These men were albe to stand against what they saw and walked through my valley with me.

I am grateful to God and them. I will be there for them as long as they need me.

It is the least a man could do.

It is the least a man should do.

The Walk Away Place…

The Walk Away Place…

August 22, 2008

I used to own a truck.
It wasn’t much of a truck. I just used if for trips to the store and to get to and from my job.

This made it very important to me because although it was missing a bumper, had some broken light covers, in this place, the desert, if you do not have transportation then simply put, you do not work.

And if a man doesn’t work, he doesn’t eat or live.

So although it wasn’t much of a truck, it was mine and it was my lifeline.

But, somewhere, someone decided that I should not own it anymore.

For whatever their purpose or reasoning they decided that the one thing that I had to have in order to live that I should not have it anymore.

So it was stolen … just like that.

Of the many things life has taught me, I have come to believe that everyone … everything has a “walk away point”.

That point where one says, “This just isn’t worth it anymore.” – “I am just fed up with them.” – “No more, Never again.”.

In a military operation this situation is termed “Collateral Damage”. The place where there is an amount of “acceptable loss” to achieve a set objective.

Can you imagine the lives that would be saved or the loss not felt if in each situation there was one person that was wise enough, mature enough to say, before damage becomes irreparable, “This is not worth it, I have to walk away right now.”

So, here I am .. at the walk away point.

It seems that each time I attempt to reclaim ownership of my truck, the price to get it back continues to go higher. Right now the monetary cost exceeds $1700.00.

It also seems that I have reached the walk away point with two people whom I truly love, they appear to have gone from bad to worse.

I vowed a number of years ago that whatever person, place or thing that Satan and his children put their hands on in my life that I would never again touch, that I would walk away.

The truck, no great loss their like I said, it wasn’t much of a truck.
The people, I cannot describe what I feel to finally know that none of them can be permitted to be in my life anymore, except in memories.

I can only accept that God deals with people through people.

And to know that the truths of God’s word are true and eternal … unchanging.

From Satan’s fallout in this matter, I have seen one person involved in this lose their home, their freedom, their children.

• Gal 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
• Gal 6:8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
• Gal 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

And because God’s truths are eternal … and just.

For this reason alone I am able to live through this walk away point, concerning things and people.

• Rom 14:11 For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.
• Rom 14:12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

I will not be called to give an account of another’s words or actions.

I will walk away.